Drabble 181

 Finished 6:04. Y'all can let me off with a couple of words.

 

Blue had done nothing but complain of his boredom, right from when Raven had finally brought down a deer. Sick and tired of Blue's whining, he picked up as much of the deer's innards as he could and threw them at Blue, hoping that he would amuse himself with them and finally be quiet. “Eww, that's disgusting!” spat Blue. “What's wrong with you?”

“You love playing with intestines,” pointed out Raven.

“Don't stereotype me!” snapped Blue. Raven had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, but he knew how to respond when Blue threw the intestines back at him.

Drabble 180

Finished 3:43.

 

Since money had been tight as of late, Raven was out in the woods, with a bow, hunting deer. It would have been a lot easier had Blue not decided to follow him, and had he not been making disparaging comments about Raven's archery skills the whole time. “You know, I don't see you doing much to help,” snapped Raven as he missed yet another shot and the herd of deer once again fled along the trail. Blue reached to take the bow away from Raven, thought about it, and the dropped his hand and walked off down the trail.

Drabble 179

Finished 5:35.

 

General Mary-Tzu of the Mary-Sue army was not happy. Having finally gotten everything in order for the coronation of Mary-Suetopia's new ruler, Mary-Tzu was looking forward to a much deserved break. A break she would have been enjoying right then, had the newly appointed Queen not been poisoned at her own coronation. Now Mary-Tzu was going to have to oversee yet another coronation of yet another monarch, not to mention that she was going to have to continue her governance of the realm in the meantime, and possibly declaring war on whoever was responsible for this unwanted turn of events.

Drabble 178

Finished 5:44.

 

Blue had actually managed to drink himself through most of Raven's liquor cabinet, and Raven had taken the last of it to his office, where Blue couldn't get it. The only solution was for Blue to go into town and to one of the taverns, but he couldn't exactly walk there when he could barely walk. He tried riding into town, but had barely gotten ten metres down the path before he'd fallen off his horse. “Are you trying to ride while drunk?” called Raven, from the window in his office, and Blue couldn't be bothered to flip him off.

Drabble 177

Finished 5:30. It always feels weird when I manage to bring some continuity into these things.

 

In the land of Mary-Suetopia, General Mary-Tzu of the Mary-Sue army was trying to oversee the coronation of a new Queen, something which still hadn't been successfully achieved since Blue had murdered their last queen all the way back in the first book. The problem, she'd found, was that the country was in fact filled with Mary-Sues, and the thing about Mary-Sues is that they all thought they ought to be Queen. It didn't help that every single Gary-Stu in the royal family had been with so many women that half of the country could lay claim to the throne.

Drabble 176

 Finished 5:35.

 

Blue had let himself into Raven's once again fully-stocked liquor cabinet and has drinking himself into a stupor when Raven came back inside. “Have you noticed,” he asked, causing Raven to stop where he was, “that you're getting increasingly more neurotic and that I'm drunk before noon? It almost seems like we're switching places.” He took a moment to think, before adding, “I don't think spending this much time together was a great idea; we're getting a little co-dependant, don't you think?”

“I think,” replied Raven, moving to take the bottle away from Blue, “that you ought to stop drinking.”

Drabble 175

 Finished 5:00.

 

After Blue had made an uneducated guess as to which bale he has supposed to feed the horses, spot-cleaned with the other, and traipsed all the way to the well and back to fetch clean water, Raven Finally wandered into the stables, just as Blue was pretty sure that there was nothing left to be done. He took a quick look around, noted all that had been done, and asked, “Blue, why did you feed the horses straw?” Deciding to just give up rather than stay and argue, Blue went back into the house and left Raven to fix it.

Drabble 174

Finished 5:48.

 

Blue was sat in the stables, had been for a couple of hours, and still hadn't yet figured out just what the horses actually ate. Raven still hadn't gotten up, so that gave him the options of feeding the horses himself or letting them go hungry, and he had the feeling that Raven would yell at him tomorrow if he chose the latter. He was pretty sure that they were supposed to eat hay and sleep on straw, but Raven had put the bales of hay and straw right next to each other, and Blue couldn't tell which was which.

Drabble 173

 Finished 5:57.

 

The next morning, Blue came down to find no sign of Raven, either in the kitchen or outside in the stables. After going back upstairs he finally found Raven, still in bed. After an awful lot of shaking, poking, and finally tipping water on him, Blue managed to wake him up, although he wasn't particularly coherent. “You really overdid it yesterday,” Blue told him, getting nothing but incoherent murmuring in response. “Nobody made you do it. Now quit your whining and get up, I'm not going to feed the horses for you. You know you wouldn't give me any sympathy.”

Drabble 172

Finished 5:58.

 

After a day of sitting out in the sun, eating Raven's food, and doing absolutely nothing in the least bit productive, Blue came inside to find Raven was still working out. “Seriously? Aren't you getting a little worn out?” asked Blue, watching Raven struggle with a press-up. “No,” puffed Raven. Blue would have called him a liar, but it was easier to just put his foot on Raven's back and watch Raven struggle, and ultimately fail, to complete a push-up with even just part of Blue's weight on him. “You're heavy,” Raven complained, and Blue pushed down a little harder.

Drabble 171

Finished 5:39.

 

The next morning Blue came downstairs to find Raven hanging from a door-frame, doing pull-ups. “Is your ego really that fragile you can't handle not being able to lift a rock?” asked Blue.

“It has nothing to do with ego,” lied Raven. “I'm just removing a potential weakness, that's all.”

“Well let me know how that works out for you,” said Blue. “I'm going to go down to the pantry, eat some food, then sit around for a bit and enjoy that my build and genetics make it easier for me to build muscle while you deal with your ego.”

Drabble 170

Finished 5:37.

 

Blue had nearly fallen asleep when Raven opened the door, saw the boulders that he'd put in front of it, and said, “Blue... you do realise the door opens inwards, right?”

“Oh, I knew that,” said Blue. “I just didn't think it mattered that much.”

“And you wonder what people mean when they say you're mad?” said Raven. He started to lift the top boulder, only to find he couldn't lift it more than a couple of inches. “Upper-body strength,” explained Blue; “I have far more of it than you. And those extra couple inches really make all the difference.”

Drabble 169

Finished 5:48.

 

Blue was still angry at Raven for having left him trapped in the outhouse for as long as he had, so when the opportunity for some revenge came along he took it whole-heartedly. Said opportunity came while Raven was in the stables, tending to the horses, with the doors shut. It took a while, but Blue was able to drag a large, heavy boulder in front of the door, blocking it. And then another one, on top of that, just in case. He sat down with a bottle of Raven's whiskey and waited for Raven to realise what he'd done.

Drabble 168

 Finished 4:27.

 

“Raven, aren't you going to do something rather than just sitting there?” asked Blue from inside the outhouse. “kick down the door or something. Come on, I don't want my epitaph to read 'got trapped in the outhouse and slowly starved to death'”

“I don't know, your suffering as terribly amusing to me; I might just leave you out here overnight,” replied Raven.

“Seriously?” snapped Blue; “I'm supposed to be the psychopath here, not you! What happened to your moral high ground?”

“After spending this long around you, you should be grateful I've not yet smothered you in your sleep.”

Drabble 167

Finished 5:52.

 

Raven was on his way to the stables to take care of the horses when he heard Blue shouting from the outhouse. Figuring he should probably make him be quiet in case any villagers just happened to be in the woods nearby and thought they were up to something, he made his way over and asked, “What are you doing, Blue?” A mumbled response came from inside; “The door is stuck. I can't get it open.” Raven took a moment to think about what Blue had said, then asked, “You mean you've somehow manage to lock yourself in the toilet?”

Drabble 166

 Finished 5:55.

 

After Blue had gotten bored of sitting around and doing nothing, he decided to take a ride into town, since riding a horse wouldn't require the use of his ankle. Unfortunately, he forgot to consider the part where he actually needed to get into the saddle, and was now standing around in the stable, his horse all tacked up, trying to figure out how to mount without, at some point or another, having to put his entire body-weight on his bad leg while he lifted the other one. Whatever he did, it seemed it was going to cause him pain.

Drabble 165

Finished 5:12.

 

“Raven! Raven!” screeched Blue from his bed. It took a few minutes for Raven, looking far beyond fed-up, to put his head through the doorway. “I'm hungry,” said Blue.

“You know where the kitchen is, Blue,” Raven snapped, and turned to leave.

“But I'm wounded. You can't just expect me to take care of myself, not when you're the one who injured me.”

“I can and I do,” spat Raven. “It's only a sprain, for heaven’s sake. You got me impaled with a katana, if I remember correctly, and you're seriously complaining about a sprained ankle? Give me a break”

Drabble 164

Finished 5:57.

 

Blue had had to spend an entire day in bed, and he was getting irritable. “Raven! Raven!” he screeched, until eventually an equally irritable Raven popped his head through the door. “There's nothing for me to do,” whined Blue.

“And what do you expect me to do about it?” asked Raven.

“Something?” said Blue. “You're the one who went and broke my ankle. The least you can do is find me something to do while I'm bed-bound.”

“Your ankle isn't broken, Blue, it's just sprained,” snapped Raven, “and you're actually able to walk, you know, so you can entertain yourself.”

Drabble 163

Finished 5:42.

“Oh, stop whining!” Raven snapped, as he pressed an icepack to Blue's swollen ankle.

“You didn't need to trip me up, you know,” Blue hissed, aiming a kick at Raven with his good leg but missing by an absurd margin.

“And you didn't need to prat about when you were supposed to be cleaning,” snapped Raven. “Now hold still, and stop your whining.” Blue pouted but didn't say anything else as Raven continued to press the icepack to his ankle, mostly because he didn't want to risk annoying Raven when he was in such close proximity to Blue's injured leg.

Drabble 162

Finished 2:18.

 

Blue was mopping the floor and muttering angrily to himself. “Stupid Raven can't even mop his own damn floors. What does he think I am, housekeeping?” It was at some point during this rant that Blue slipped and nearly fell on the wet floor, and got an idea. After re-purposing a pillowcase from upstairs, Blue spent the next hour sliding along the wet floor. He only stopped when Raven came in a caught him, and, deciding that Blue was having far too much fun to actually get any housework done, tripped Blue up and sent him skidding into the wall.

Drabble 161

Finished 5:49.

“I'm bored,” whined Blue.

“Tough,” said Raven.

“But I'm bored,” snapped Blue.

“Tough,” repeated Raven.

“You'll start complaining the second I try to find a way to amuse myself,” Blue pointed out.

“No, I'll complain when you decide to murder somebody, or to set my house on fire,” argued Raven.

“Well what do you expect me to do?” demanded Blue. “There isn't exactly much to do around here.”

“If you're that bored, you can always go and clean out the stables,” Raven told him. “You need to start pulling your weight around here anyway, so go and do something useful.”

Drabble 160

 Finished 3:58.

Blue and Raven were sitting at the kitchen table. “Weren't we supposed to be doing something?” asked Blue. “I'm getting pretty bored over here.”

“The Author’s experiencing some technical difficulties. Regular broadcasting will resume shortly,” answered Raven.

“Again?” asked Blue, incredulous. “How many times is this going to happen?”

“I don't think the Author plans these things, Blue.”

“Yeah, well I think the Author needs to get their shit together, because this is really starting to take the piss. How many computers are they going to break?” snapped Blue.

“Actually, I think it was a memory-stick this time,” said Raven.

Drabble 159

Finished 5:58.

On top of the hill there was a castle. And that castle was guarded by a dragon. The dragon had slain any knight who'd tried to gain access to the castle. Over the years, many knights had lost their lives seeking the treasure that was rumoured to exist within the castle walls. Of course, if any knight ever did get past the dragon and into the castle, they would find it empty but for a few nice but ultimately valueless watercolour paintings, since the dragon fancied itself an artist more than anything else, but that would never stop the legends.

Drabble 158

Finished 3:59.

Blue was waiting in the hallway, just out of sight of Raven's office, waiting for Raven to go downstairs so that he could sneak in. “You're wasting your time, you know,” Raven called out to him, and Blue flinched. He had no idea how Raven had known he was there. He stepped away from the wall and stuck his head through the doorway to the office. “I really am doing this for your own good,” he said.

“I know,” replied Raven. “But I still want you to knock it off. Or in the very least stop driving me to drink.”

Drabble 157

Finished 5:49.

When Blue was sure that Raven was locked in his office and was not coming out, he snuck into the pantry and found the bottle in which Raven had put his home-made cider to ferment. He tipped the contents onto the floor, but it was only as he was emptying the bottle that he realised it had been filled with water and not cider. “Did you really think I was going to leave it where you can find it?” asked Raven from the top of the stairs. He grabbed an apple from one of the shelves and left Blue fuming.

Drabble 156

Finished 00:47.

When Blue returned, Raven was juicing apples into a bowl over the sink. “I didn't think you drank apple juice,” said Blue, trying to remember if he ever had seen Raven drinking apple juice. He was pretty sure he hadn't, which was odd, really. He was about to go upstairs when it clicked. “You're making cider, aren't you?”

“Well none of the shops will sell me alcohol,” snapped Raven.

“This is for your own good,” Blue told him, and tried to pull to bowl out of Raven's hands, but the look he got was enough to send even him scampering.

Drabble 155

Finished 4:48.

After nearly an hour Raven came back inside, covered in blood but, as far as Blue could see, only suffering superficial wounds. “Well, that's that dealt with,” he said, putting his sword down on the table. Blue decided not to point out that the blood would stain the wood. “The leprechaun is gone, so you can take her back outside now,” said Raven, and neither Blue nor the horse were feeling brave enough to argue. “I think I'm sleeping in the stables tonight,” Blue whispered to the horse when he was sure Raven couldn't hear; “Raven's mean when he's sober.”

Drabble 154

Finished 2:27.

Blue was still sitting at the table when Raven stamped in, battered and bruised. “Any luck with that leprechaun?” he asked, but Raven ignored him and stamped upstairs. Blue actually found that worrying, and he would have followed had Raven not immediately returned with his sword and all of his throwing knives, which amounted to a pretty impressive collection. “This is going to end really, really badly,” said Blue, and the horse whinnied in agreement. Raven didn't seem to hear him, or in the very least ignored him, and went back outside to deal with the leprechaun the old-fashioned way.

Drabble 153

Finished 5:44.

Raven was still, after far longer than was reasonable, outside trying to deal with the leprechaun. And Blue was still refusing to go outside until it was gone, sat drumming his fingers at the kitchen table. “How long does it take to get rid of one measly leprechaun, anyway?” he sighed, turning to Raven's horse for answers. “Hey, don't give me that look,” he snapped; “he's supposed to be some sort of hyper-competent assassin, he should have dealt with this by now.” The horse snorted, and Blue sighed, “Look at me, I'm talking to a horse like she actually understands.”

Drabble 152

Finished 5:35. I need to find some more health and safety violations, so until I do, here's more Blue and Raven.

While Raven was out trying to deal with the leprechaun, Blue decided to raid the pantry. Unfortunately it was filled primarily with salted meat and fish that was meant to last through the winter, plain old salt, and far too many potatoes for his liking. “It's times like this I really miss living in a palace,” said Blue, walking back up the stairs to the kitchen, where Raven's horse was waiting. He handed her a carrot. “There's nothing I want to eat, nothing to drink, and there is no fucking way I'm going back outside until that leprechaun is gone.”